"And How Did You Two Meet?": The Kyra + Hayden Story
A nonlinear tale of second chances
I’m going to begin this beautiful story by breaking the fourth wall and sharing that Kyra Fry was my first friend at TCU. Born and raised in Iowa (comparable to my suburban Chicagoland hometown), Kyra and I met at Texas Christian University’s pre-move-in-day Frog Camp, and she immediately offered me a welcome taste of Midwestern kindness and vernacular in an unfamiliar place. After rushing the same sorority a few short months later, Kyra and I solidified our bond — and my fond memories with her range from meetings and comms classes to sorority mixers and formals. Since I met her in 2012 (!?!?), I’ve only known Kyra to be warm, silly, friendly, funny, smart, and passionate. I think SO highly of Kyra.
With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that Kyra’s drawn to others who are equally as kind, thoughtful, and intentional. When Kyra first moved to Nashville (after time spent in Dallas upon college graduation), she was (naturally) eager to make connections — and a friend immediately suggested she be set up with a guy named Hayden.
Hayden Zelem, a New Jersey native, had been a Nashville resident for just about six months when an old friend spontaneously invited him to a concert.
“I was working late one night when an old friend of mine texted,” Hayden told me. “That particular night, I was on a deadline when she insisted I show up to a show her friend was playing. Luckily, I decided to take a break from work and attend. When I got there, my friend greeted me and (very suddenly) revealed the reason behind the invite: meeting her friend’s new roommate.”
In typical set-up fashion, the details weren’t perfect. Kyra was aware that the evening had an agenda, but Hayden was not. Kyra was prepared with curled hair and a wingwoman, but Hayden felt surprised and annoyed at the lack of warning. After what was ultimately a positive first interaction, the two exchanged numbers — which led to them seeing each other for about a month following.
(Funnily enough, the wingwoman Kyra had brought with her to the show had previously matched with Hayden on Bumble. They never went out, but said wingwoman recognized Hayden immediately.)
Speaking of the two who did go out, “the first date was perfect,” said Hayden. “We then had about a month of dating under our belts when I sort of broke things off. I hated to do it, but things got complicated on my side.”
When Hayden cooled things off, Kyra (very pragmatically) asked him to confirm if the break-off was a “not now or not ever” situation. In an attempt to give Kyra closure and not make her wait around for him, he told her it was “not ever.” Kyra picked herself up, dusted herself off, and attempted to move on.
Six months later, however, she knew she wanted him back in her life — even in a friendship capacity. “I was hosting a party, and I was inviting a lot of our mutual friends,” said Kyra. “I decided this was a good opportunity to extend the olive branch of friendship, so I texted him with a very casual invite. He came, and I was both excited and nervous to see him — but truly extended the invite in the hopes of building a platonic friendship.”
Hayden went to the party, with a similar interest in a casual friendship. Right around the time of this party, the world was beginning to shut down. With COVID restrictions in place, Kyra and Hayden found themselves in the same “quarantine bubble” of about 10 friends, planning outdoor group events and hangouts. They got to know each other better in a group setting, and they considered each other friends.
Late that year, “friend” became the wrong term. Hayden’s birthday falls right around Thanksgiving, and both he and Kyra were staying in Nashville for the holiday as opposed to heading out of town. Kyra made sure Hayden had plans for his birthday (as a friend, she swears!), and they spent time as a pair as opposed to in their larger group.
Right before Christmas, Hayden went on a third date with someone else. His date made him dinner, and she was perfectly lovely — but she wasn’t Kyra.
“I spent the whole date wondering what Kyra was doing,” said Hayden. “It was around Christmas that I was texting Kyra more and more, and I realized that I was with the wrong person.”
Kyra and her roommate were hosting a small New Year’s Eve gathering with fellow members of their “bubble,” and Hayden was of course invited. With a bit of liquid courage, he made his big move. “It wasn’t as smooth as I had hoped,” he said. “I’m thankful for her roommates, who were in on it and kept the drinks flowing.”
Kyra was understandably hesitant to jump back in. After a New Year’s Day heart-to-heart (during which Hayden channeled his inner Luke Danes and told Kyra that he was “all in”), Kyra agreed to give things a second chance. Within a few months, Hayden knew he was in love — and a year later, they were engaged.
Now married for almost three years, Kyra and Hayden have made a major move to London and are embracing a life of travel and work, plus the potential of adding a dog to their family. “I feel like each year our friendship/relationship gets stronger and stronger,” said Kyra, “and I’m constantly reminded that I am so lucky to have him as my best friend and partner.”
If there’s anything to learn from Kyra and Hayden’s story, it’s that love isn’t always linear. “Having time to develop a friendship before we started (really) dating has had a huge benefit to our marriage,” said Hayden. “I always had a feeling I would end up with a friend — and in our case, it adds another level of depth to us.”
“And How Did You Two Meet?” is a Substack series sharing the origin stories of happy relationships. In a world where authentic connection feels increasingly difficult, these stories shed light on the often-complicated-but-always-beautiful ways real relationships are formed and sustained.
Want to share your own love story? Start here!